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thissickbaet:

anonymousmisfit:

isolatedartisan:

italyans:

nasdaq:

#FridayFun time! Now here’s an innovation the world is ready for: The Cuddle Mattress, which introduces slats to the upper half of the bed, making it easier to slip your arm around your partner and still sleep in comfort. http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2013/08/27/216091675/weekly-innovation-a-mattress-that-makes-it-easier-to-cuddle

this is it.

THIS IS FUCKING IT.

AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF ARMS FALLING ASLEEP AND ACHING NECKS WE’VE FINALLY ARRIVED

THERE IS NO MORE WORRYING NOW THAT WE HAVE THESE FOAM STRIPS TO SHOVE OUR GRUBBY LITTLE ARMS INTO. JUST THINK OF THE OPPORTUNITIES. MAYBE SOME KID CAN FILL A PLASTIC BAG WITH LUBE, TUCK IT BETWEEN THIS SHIT, AND JUST GO TO FUCKING TOWN ON THIS STATE-OF-THE-ART MATTRESS 

BUT THATS NOT ALL. DO YOUR FUCKING TOES GET COLD? SHOVE YOUR FEET IN THESE CUSHIONS AND SLEEP SOUNDLY KNOWING YOUR FOOT-NUBS ARE FREE OF THE COLD.

NEED TO KEEP YOUR PHONE CLOSER WHILE YOU SLEEP? TOSS IT IN THE CRACK. AFRAID TO LEAVE YOUR CHILD ALONE IN THEIR NURSERY? WEDGE IT INTO THE CRACK. JUST FUCKING DO IT. EVER TEMPTED TO SIP A BEVERAGE WITHOUT GETTING OUT OF BED? SHOVE A CUP AND THERE AND INSERT YOUR STRAW. PRESTO-CHANGO, MOTHERFUCKERS. 

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS. THIS BED CAN SOLVE ALL OF THE PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD. GO OUT THERE AND BUY YOUR CUDDLING, MASTURBATORY, CHILD-AND-DRINK-HOLDING, PHONE-STORING MATTRESS RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR TO GOD

Tumblr users should never make infomercials
Reasons why tumblr users should definitely write infomercials.

why would you shove your child into it what are you saying



posted 5 hours ago with 114,548 notesviasource. • reblog



visacredit:

ummm…



posted 6 hours ago with 32,079 notesviasource. • reblog



queerhawkeye:

there is no one expecting dick to taste good though. i’ve never ever once met a cis dude paranoid about his genitals tasting weird or salty or sweaty or whatever. but of course pussy has to taste like fruit and whatever. OF COURSE. 




nightmare-syndrome:

I forgot the name of carmilla so I said that and google found it, I’m crying



posted 6 hours ago with 14,033 notesviasource. • reblog



Reading My Most Excellent Year and omggggg

Augie. Let me love you.




aveotardis:

candypinkcocks:

gallifreyanconsultingdetective:

amithereal:

grimbark-entity:

horatioandalice:

birdsbirds:

deviantbirds:

What is going on here??

birds
birds is what is going on

WIGGLY OWLS

[OWL INTENSIFIES]

WHAT IS ON THAT PHONE

I found it.

THIS IS BETTER THAN ANYTHING I IMAGINED

Click the link. Click it. CLICK IT.



posted 10 hours ago with 146,984 notesviasource. • reblog



smitethepatriarchy:

holymashedpotatoesbatman:

klinki:

self diagnosing is so hard because everytime you’re like “maybe I am mentally ill” theres also a big part of you going “nah you’re probably just a naturally lazy/nasty/disgusting/useless person trying to find an excuse for your behavior” because of the institutionalized ableism that runs through everything

So go to the doctor and get an actual diagnosis?

Why don’t poor people just buy more money?



posted 11 hours ago with 45,647 notesviasource. • reblog



frrostbytte:

This is literally one of the best pieces of writing I’ve ever come across in my life.



posted 14 hours ago with 32,767 notesviasource. • reblog



14.09.18



posted 14 hours ago with 53,458 notesviasource. • reblog



johnrezas:

Permission granted…